From the January 11 Late Show with David Letterman.
10. Stories must be corroborated by at least two really strong hunches. 9. "Evening News" pre-show staff cocktail hour is canceled until further notice. 8. Reduce "60 Minutes" to more manageable 15-20 minutes. 7. Change division name from "CBS News" to "CBS News-ish" 6. If anchor says anything inaccurate, earpiece delivers an electric shock.
From the September 22 Late Show with David Letterman
10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on,
like cookies are delicious.
9. Move nightly "happy hour" to after the broadcast.
8. Stop hiring guys with crazy names like "Morley."
7. Can't figure out if a news story is true?
Let Judge Joe Brown decide.
6. Every time Mike Wallace tells a lie he gets a life-threatening electrical shock.
