From the Late Show with David Letterman:

10. Special group rate on rental cars for all the visiting terrorists

9. To meet increased demand, extra muggers being dispatched to midtown.

8. Seventh avenue sidewalks have been closed to taxi traffic.

7. Neckline being raised on Statue of Liberty‘s robe to John Ashcrofts’s specifications.

6. Hello Deli changing price of grilled cheese sandwich from twelve dollars to seventeen dollars.

5. Three words: Bomb sniffing rats.

4. City has suspended alternate side of the street hooker rules.

3. At President Bush‘s request, the Empire State Building is on “King Kong Alert.”

2. While Cheney is in town, Waldorf-Astoria sign changed to read “Undisclosed Location Hotel.”

1. Bill Clinton is showing up to the convention just to get patted down.